It was Mark Twain who said "Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a thousand times," and it's two shrinks from the University of Maryland who now tell us how to quit any number of bad habits once and only once. The university persuaded Jill RachBeisel, M.D., director of community psychiatry, and Hinda Dubin, M.D., a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, to post a list of seven steps to success for New Year's resolutions.
- Avoid perfectionist thinking. While we certainly always want to better ourselves, it is healthier to think in positive terms than it is to focus on how much we fall short of our aspirations. In other words, students should view the grade of an A- as better than a B, rather than not as good as an A.
- View setbacks as lessons for growth. Mistakes can be and usually are opportunities for learning. If you fall short of your goals, ask yourself what kept you from achieving them and then try to make corrections. People who like to sail understand this navigational concept. You almost never go directly from point A to point B. You set a course and periodically take readings of your position then make adjustments as you go along.
- Don't make absolute resolutions. Keep them realistic. For example, Dubin suggests that instead of saying you won't yell at your kids anymore, resolve to yell at them less often.
- Don't keep your resolutions to yourself. Tell someone you trust about your resolutions. Dubin said that it helps to share your goals with friends, who can gently nudge you in the right direction when you veer off course.
- Give them some meaning. According to RachBeisel, people sometimes make goals that aren't necessarily meaningful to them. Your goal should be something you really desire to change or achieve, not something that society says is good for you to do or your family members would like to see you do. If you don't have strong, internal motivation within yourself, you won't be successful.
- Take baby steps. Set realistic goals that are attainable and then take small steps that are likely to be met with success toward those goals. Don't try to lose 10 pounds in a week or quit smoking cold turkey with no preparation. Instead, try joining a weight loss program and try to lose a pound a week, or join a smoking cessation group.
- Fine-tune your spirituality. Dubin said that it is important to add a spiritual dimension to your goals. For example, if one of your goals is to get fit, you may also resolve to get outdoors more often instead of going to the gym. Time outside will help you get in balance with nature, and will honor both the physical and spiritual sides of yourself.
